Let’s begin by saying that there is conflict and then, there is unresolved conflict in relationships.
Conflict is normal and to be expected in any type of relationship whether it is marriage, family, friendship, work or otherwise. We can say it is part of life. We all have to deal with it. Some of us have become better than others in dealing with it; but we all have to learn the best way to handle it.
Unresolved conflict, on the other hand, is very different and one that needs to be handled intentionally and aggressively. If we are to come up on top when it sneaks subtlety into our lives, we must then take the mandatory steps to win.
This upcoming weekend, October the 30th, my wife Iris and I will be celebrating our 44th year together dealing with both of these issues: conflict and unresolved conflict.
I am glad to say so far, we have found a way to be successful in dealing with both. As far as the first one, “conflict ” we have become smart enough to recognize it and confront it head on when it comes knocking at our door. We respond by saying, “come in, you are welcome in our relationship for as long as we can’t determine what caused you to exist. Once we determine the “why” and find you no longer have a valid ticket to mingle in our relationship… You are done!!”
The second one, “unresolved conflict,” we have managed to reduce to only a few days. We treat it like you would treat the “common cold” once we get hit with the symptoms we look for measures to kill it before it gets out of control. Let me give you three reasons why you need to deal with unresolved conflict as soon as you know it’s becoming a problem in your marriage:
1. Un-resolved conflict has the same characteristics of the big “C” Cancer.
If not treated properly like Cancer, unresolved conflict will come back to kill your marriage relationship. It escalates from type 2 to type 5 and then impossible to be removed unless a miracle happens… And this is the exception not the rule.
2. Un-resolved conflict is a pride problem.
You can’t walk together in the journey of life with your spouse unless you both agree to be committed and determined to properly communicate when things go south! Oneness in the marriage relationship has to prevail at all times. For this to happen somebody has to be ready to submit their will to the will of the other. It’s just that simple. I know it’s easier said than done; but never the less it is the truth that needs to be implemented to prevent unresolved conflict to manifest its devastating consequences.
This is the ugly word in the marriage relationship or any type of relationship. Un-forgiveness has to be replaced by forgiveness, which is the ability to give up resentment and the desire to punish. It is truly a very strong temptation. When you feel you’ve been wronged somehow you feel justified retaliating in the best way you know how. Is this true or not? In the marriage relationship when one party feels betrayed this is the number one temptation they have to deal with! To rise to the top and not be scathed by this demonic agent, you must dress yourself with forgiveness… Don’t look for any other antidotes. This is it. Period! Love for your spouse has to prevail at all times. Love is greater than any obstacle and any conflict in your marriage. Your marriage deserves the effort that it takes to keep it alive. Go for it, you can do it!!
Apostle Carlos H.Lopez